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How about bottoming from the top??? hmmm???

At a gathering recently I was asked to weigh in on the phenomena known as "Topping from the bottom".It's a subject that has always annoyed me a wee bit, as i just don't see what all the hullabaloo is about.

Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt who said that no one can have power over you unless you give it to them?

Often is seems to me that this label is used as a knee jerk reaction of disapproval to us brats who will do our equivalent of kicking Sir in the shin to let him know we'd really like some funishment.Other people seem to be referring to a bottom saying "harder, softer, that wrapped, please no teeth" once in the scene.Still others, a smaller group in my experience, also include a bottom who is clear about what they want in a scene.

To those of you from the first group... It is annoying, I am sure, to be Lord UberDomly Thunderpants and have your submissive glutton playfully brat you. Poor thing. If you are truly Lord UberDomly Thunderpants then you should be able to deal with this in an adult and leadership based manner. You could, perhaps, sit your submissive down and state clearly that you do not enjoy this behavior and it will not result in funishment at all, but time out. Or perhaps find out WHY your submissive is bratting rather than coming to you in an adult manner and stating clearly that he or she would REALLY like some play please. Or recognize that sometimes it is just fun to brat, and you could have fun sending them to a corner.

Throwing the overused phrase "Topping from the bottom" is lazy. And in my oh so personal opinion, every bottom/sub/slave has the right to ask for what they need. Them asking does NOT force you to do a dang thing. If your sub is a SAM, (like perhaps I can be) and you don't care for it, again... Conversation. Leadership skills.

To those who feel that a bottom speaking up from within a scene is nothing but the bottom behaving like a Top, I respectfully suggest you hone your Topping skills. Or perhaps your pre-scene negotiating skills need work. If I am not getting what I need out of the scene, or getting something I do not need, I have the RESPONSIBILITY to say so. If you are bottoming to me, I EXPECT you to speak up. None of us are psychic.

And Lord UberDomly Thunderpants?

If you are EVER uncomfortable during a scene, you have the right to safe word and end the scene. So if you truly feel that your bottom is Topping, call yellow. Discuss it. Can't resolve it? End the scene, part amicably. Done deal.

To those few who feel that a bottom negotiating a scene clearly is Topping.. Well no words of mine will help you. Good luck with that.Perhaps someone can also explain to me why it is that we never hear complaining about those who sub from the Top. Why is it no one is assuming that some things that Tops do are actually submissive behaviors? Is it subbing from the Top when SirRespectful asks his bottom, "Would you like me to go harder?" Is it subbing from the Top when the bottom is asked to choose what implements? When the Top checks in with the sub to see if things are still ok? When the Top gets a buzz from what he/she is doing?Is is subbing from the Top when Lord Confident Dom says to his bottom/submissive/slave, "I want to experience xyz, go grab the whatchamallit and use it on me."My opinion? Not at all. But if we are going to shame a subby type for speaking up for what they need, or for trying to be playful and get playtime that way, it's only fair if any signs of respect, compassion, or desire for sensory play should be seen as subbing from the Top, no?