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Victim shaming: Juan debate

When this story first broke many were firmly against CBC's decision to distance themselves from Jian and just as many were shouting down the allegations of abuse against Jian himself.Here on FL the sentiment seemed to be hinged on Jian's mention of BDSM.

His claim that he was fired because he was kinky was met with a reactive roar of outrage. His claim that his submissive was accusing him of 'non consensual acts' (ie rape, assault, abuse, but I agree that non consensual sounds much nicer) was met with mixed reactions ranging from, "let's wait and see what happened" to "Burn the whores".Now that everyone has had time to process a bit more, to read a bit more, to take in some of the details of the story, things have calmed down a bit.

Yet there are still some loud voices who are repeating a disturbing theme, "They were just allegations, CBC should not fire someone over allegations"

I disagree.

Canadian employers are obligated to ensure that their workplaces are free of sexual harassment. So depending on the allegations and the circumstances, on the contents of Jian's employee file and previous incident reports you can rightfully be dismissed from your place of employment for allegations of sexual harassment.I disagree with minimizing such allegations by calling them "just allegations".

Contrary to popular myth, false accusations of this sort are not common.

It is a terrifying and shaming experience to have to tell your boss that another employee is harassing you (does not respect you) and that you are unable to deal with this on your own. When you approach your boss with this, you have no idea how your concerns will be addressed. Will they believe you? You have the added bonus of knowing you will have to work with the sob tomorrow, and his colleagues. You can also be confident that your already hostile workplace will be worse tomorrow as people takes sides. "If they don't go to the police then (they aren't telling the truth, it doesn't count, they are obviously just angry ex's etc).Lots of victims NEVER report their abusers to the police. The reasons are varied, but all valid. Rape victims are subjected to yet another person touching them in a very intimate fashion (medical examination). They are often called upon to prove it happened. Their abusers may have authority over them, and thus can make their life even more hellish. Their abusers may have power (politicians, celebs, police, priests, money, ceo etc). Lets be honest.. many powerful people get away with murder, never mind some 'non consensual act'Their own sex lives will be on display. EVERYONE will know what happened to them and there are always some lovely ppl out there who will blame them.

Unless you are the person who was assaulted you do not get to decide what actions to take.

"By going to the media instead they show they are just smearing him"If you have a predator who harmed you but seems untouchable, and you find out that he is doing this over and over to other women.. that he gets away with it at work.. that he destroyed some lady online who dared to talk about him (without even using his name)... what do you do?This guy is a celeb. Having an investigative reporter interview them, then can likely rest easy knowing he won't out them, he will investigate, he is likely to find more people who have run afoul of him, and it won't be hushed up by ceo's or the police, or a pr team. It is actually pretty smart. All those statements implying they consented and then decided to call foul

The dates might have consented to some things. But as any DM will tell you, consent is ongoing. The moment they wanted to stop they should have been able to remove consent. But I am not buying that his coworker consented to being told that he wanted to hate fuck her. It sounds as if Jian has a history of not understanding consent or boundaries, if you read the comments by other women who have interacted with Jian.Regardless of what we think of CBC walking away from Jian, or what we think of Q, regardless of how much we wish those ladies went to the police, statements that blame the ladies in question are inappropriate at this time. Lashing out at the victims because the idea that our kinks can hurt our vanilla life freaks us out is not helpful.This hurts us as much as it does the victims in this case

Statements that minimize the experience these ladies had with Jian are not acceptable. Victim shaming is not cool. As card carrying kinksters we should be better than this.

We need people in our communities who have run afoul of abusive partners to feel able to come forward, not to cower in fear that their own peers will blame them. How else will we create play spaces that are safe for ourselves?